Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Joust...the Movie. Really.

It's really hard to begin writing about something like this. Okay, in the past we had movies like Double Dragon, Street Fighter, and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. SF had the potential to be done well, but in summary all the movies I mentioned are examples of why we shouldn't make movie adaptations of just about every damn video game out there.

In the recent past, some games that had potential to be good movies like Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead, and Bloodrayne became really shitty movies because they fell into the wrong hands (Uwe Boll, who else).

There were also rumors of a Pac-Man movie (thanks, IMDB for your infallible accuracy) but thankfully it was just that, a rumor.

Now...we have Joust. A game by Midway for the Atari, Joust had flying, jousting ostriches. That's it. It was fun to play with friends, and was innovative at the time I guess, for you had to mash the button to make your ostrich flap its wings. It was much better when you yourself make the comical sound effects, especially when your (human) opponent is losing. Ahh, the memories...But I digress. A certain film studio called CP (heh) Productions recently announced that they are working on, among other things, a Joust movie. Gee, I wonder what the movie will be like. Oh, they have an answer! It will be like "Gladiator meets Mad Max". Uh...I can't really see how they will manage to make Joust look like that, let alone MAKE A JOUST MOVIE JESUS CHRIST. Christine Peters, the producer (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days):

"This film is the type of action-packed story that appeals to all four quadrants of the movie-going public and we are excited to be in the Midway Games business once again."

Four quadrants? What the fuck are those four quadrants? I'm no film buff, and the only quadrants I know are mathematical quadrants, but do I really need to know to wonder how they're going to apply this on a JOUST MOVIE?

But oh, it gets better. CP Productions apparently has plenty more in store for us in the way of video game adaptations. What's next? Road Fighter?

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